Social Engineering & FraudMANIPULATIVE

Romance Scam

What it is

A fraud in which the criminal builds a fake romantic relationship over weeks or months, then leverages the emotional bond to extract money, gifts, or laundering assistance.

How it works

A romance scam is a confidence trick that runs on attachment rather than a single lie. The criminal invests weeks of daily attention, mirrors the target's values, and manufactures intimacy fast (constant messaging, declarations of love, plans for a shared future) before any money is mentioned. This front-loaded investment triggers reciprocity and commitment: having emotionally committed, the victim reinterprets later red flags to protect the relationship. Whitty's Scammers Persuasive Techniques Model describes the staged progression and identifies a near-win dynamic in which each crisis seems like the last obstacle before the couple can finally meet, which is why victims keep paying and are often re-victimized. Requests begin small and escalate through emergencies the target feels uniquely able to solve: a medical bill, a stranded shipment, a customs fee to bring the partner home. The FTC reported roughly 1.3 billion dollars in romance-scam losses in 2022. Victims commonly experience this as genuine abuse and grief, not merely a financial loss, because the relationship was real to them even though the person was not.

Real-world examples

•A widower on a dating site meets an "offshore engineer" who is loving and attentive for months, then needs help with a frozen bank account before he can fly home to meet.
•A victim is asked to receive and forward packages or "invest" a deposited check, unknowingly becoming a money mule who launders proceeds from other victims.
•Whitty documented cases where victims sent money through repeated "final" crises, each framed as the last hurdle before the couple could unite.
•Scammers recycle stolen photos of real soldiers, doctors, or oil-rig workers, roles that plausibly explain why the partner can never video-call or meet.

Historical case studies

FTC data: $1.3 billion in reported romance-scam losses in one year

2022Consumer Protection Data

Nearly 70,000 people reported a romance scam to the Federal Trade Commission in 2022, with reported losses of $1.3 billion and a median loss of $4,400. The agency analysed the stories scammers told: the most common were that they or someone close to them was sick, hurt or in jail, that they could teach the victim to invest, and that they were deployed in the military or working on an offshore oil rig, all of which also explain why they can never meet in person. Most first contact came through social media rather than dating apps.

Source →

The "Tinder Swindler"

2017–2019Fraud

Shimon Hayut, an Israeli using the name Simon Leviev, presented himself on Tinder as the son of a diamond magnate, courted women with private jets and luxury hotels, then told them that enemies were tracking his cards and asked them to open credit lines and send money for his security. The money from each victim financed the display shown to the next. Reporting by the Norwegian newspaper VG, later a Netflix documentary, estimated the total at about $10 million. In 2019 an Israeli court sentenced him to 15 months on earlier, unrelated fraud charges, of which he served five; he has not been tried for the frauds against the women and denies them.

Source →

Ethical guidelines

●Fabricating a relationship to extract money is fraud; the harm is both financial and profoundly emotional, and victims are not foolish for having trusted someone who engineered their trust.
●Blaming victims compounds the harm and discourages reporting; the shame is the scammer's tool, not the victim's fault.
●Platforms and payment providers have a duty to detect grooming-for-money patterns and to warn before large transfers to new contacts.

How to defend against it

►Treat a new online partner who professes love quickly but cannot ever meet or video-call as a scam until proven otherwise; distance plus intensity is the pattern.
►Never send money, gift cards, or cryptocurrency, and never receive or forward funds or packages, for someone you have not met in person, no matter the emergency.
►Do a reverse-image search of their photos and search distinctive phrases from their messages; recycled images and scripts surface fast.
►Tell a friend or family member about the relationship early; scammers work to isolate targets, and a trusted outside view breaks the spell before saying it aloud makes the doubts real.
►If you are already involved, stop payments, keep the messages, and reach out for support and reporting: reportfraud.ftc.gov, the FBI at ic3.gov, and AARP Fraud Watch Network for guidance and a supportive helpline.

From the Defense Playbook

HALT Check (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired)seconds

Before responding to a persuasive request, check whether you are hungry, angry, lonely, or tired, because each of those states is a known lever for manipulation and a reason to defer.

Bring a Second Personminutes

Insist on having a trusted third party present, on the call, or copied in before a significant decision, because a single ally breaks the isolation that most high-pressure and fraudulent persuasion depends on.

Know Your Vulnerability Windowstakes practice

Identify in advance the states and life periods in which you are easiest to persuade (exhaustion, grief, loneliness, money trouble, a move, a breakup, a new job) and set standing rules that apply automatically when you are in one.

Reverse Image Searchminutes

Upload or paste an image (or a video frame) into an image search engine to find where else and when it has appeared, which exposes recycled photos, stolen profile pictures, and images given a false caption.

Account Forensicsminutes

Before taking an online account's word, or taking a crowd of accounts as public opinion, spend a minute on the profile itself: its age, history, posting rhythm, network, and photo, which together show whether you are looking at a person, a persona, or a coordinated operation.

Gift Cards Mean Scamseconds

Treat any demand to pay a debt, fine, fee, bail, or "security deposit" with gift cards, cryptocurrency, a wire to a stranger, a payment app, or cash handed to a courier as proof of fraud, because no legitimate institution collects money that way.

Tell Someone Before You Send Moneyminutes

Before sending money or sharing account details in response to any unexpected request, describe the situation out loud to one person who is not involved, because scams depend on the target deciding alone.

Every playbook entry states how strong its evidence is and when not to use it. Browse the full playbook.

References

Whitty, M. T. (2013). The Scammers Persuasive Techniques Model: Development of a Stage Model to Explain the Online Dating Romance Scam. British Journal of Criminology, 53(4), 665-684 · link
Stage model of romance-scam persuasion, including the near-win dynamic behind repeated payments and re-victimization.
Whitty, M. T., & Buchanan, T. (2016). The online dating romance scam: The psychological impact on victims - both financial and non-financial. Criminology & Criminal Justice, 16(2), 176-194 · link
Evidence that victims suffer significant emotional harm resembling grief, distinct from the money lost.
Fletcher, E. (Federal Trade Commission) (2023). Romance scammers' favorite lies exposed. FTC Consumer Protection Data Spotlight, February 2023 · link
Reported romance-scam losses of about 1.3 billion dollars in 2022 and the common scripts used.

Last reviewed 2026-09-07

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