Interpersonal

Flying Monkeys

What it is

Recruiting third parties to do your bidding in pressuring, monitoring, or harassing a target.

How it works

Named after the Wicked Witch's minions in The Wizard of Oz, flying monkeys are people enlisted — often unknowingly — to carry out a manipulator's agenda. The manipulator feeds them a one-sided narrative, and these proxies then pressure, guilt-trip, or spy on the target, giving the manipulator influence while maintaining distance.

Real-world examples

  • •A narcissistic parent who gets other family members to call and pressure a child who has set boundaries.
  • •An ex who gets mutual friends to check up on their former partner's dating life and report back.
  • •A workplace bully who gets colleagues to exclude and ostracize the target by spreading gossip.

Ethical guidelines

  • ●Do not recruit others into your personal conflicts — address issues directly.
  • ●Before acting on someone's behalf, hear the other side of the story.
  • ●Recognize when you are being used as an intermediary in someone else's manipulation.

How to defend against it

  • ►Limit the information you share with people connected to the manipulator.
  • ►When approached by a flying monkey, ask: "Have you heard my perspective, or only theirs?"
  • ►Set boundaries with people who deliver messages on behalf of someone who should be speaking to you directly.

Detect Flying Monkeys in any text

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