Emotional

Triangulation

What it is

Bringing a third party into a two-person dynamic to manipulate, control, or create jealousy.

How it works

By introducing a third person into a relationship dynamic — whether through comparison, competition, or as a messenger — the manipulator creates insecurity and rivalry. This destabilizes the target's confidence and makes them work harder to win the manipulator's approval.

Real-world examples

  • •A manager telling an employee "Your colleague would jump at this opportunity" to pressure compliance.
  • •A romantic partner frequently mentioning an attractive ex to create jealousy.
  • •A parent playing siblings against each other: "Why can't you be more like your brother?"

Ethical guidelines

  • ●Communicate directly with each person rather than using intermediaries strategically.
  • ●Do not create artificial competition to control people.
  • ●Comparison should motivate, not destabilize.

How to defend against it

  • ►Recognize when a third party is being used to pressure you.
  • ►Refuse to compete for approval — state your boundaries directly.
  • ►Ask: "Is this comparison relevant, or designed to make me insecure?"

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