EmotionalDUAL-USE

Flattery/Ingratiation

What it is

Using excessive praise or compliments to lower someone's defenses and gain favor.

How it works

People like those who make them feel good about themselves and tend to comply more with people they like. Strategic flattery creates a positive emotional state that reduces critical scrutiny and builds a sense of rapport and obligation.

Real-world examples

  • •A salesperson saying "You clearly have excellent taste" before showing the premium option.
  • •A colleague lavishing praise on a manager before requesting a large favor.
  • •Social media influencers telling their audience "You're the best community" before promoting a product.

Ethical guidelines

Where the line is

Sincere, specific appreciation is a normal part of relationships. It becomes manipulation when praise is instrumental — deployed to lower someone's guard before a request, or calibrated to their insecurities rather than to anything true.

  • ●Compliments should be genuine and specific, not strategic tools.
  • ●Do not use flattery as a prelude to exploitation.
  • ●Distinguish between authentic appreciation and manipulative praise.

How to defend against it

  • ►Be pleased by compliments but do not let them cloud your judgment on subsequent requests.
  • ►Notice when flattery immediately precedes an ask.
  • ►Evaluate requests independently of how the requester makes you feel.

From the Defense Playbook

Name the Tacticseconds

Saying out loud (or to yourself) which persuasion technique is being used on you activates persuasion knowledge and turns an automatic response into a deliberate one.

"I'll Get Back to You"seconds

Make it a standing habit never to agree to a request on the spot: buy time with a stock phrase, leave the situation, and decide later when the social pressure of the moment is gone.

Every playbook entry states how strong its evidence is and when not to use it. Browse the full playbook.

References

  1. Jones, E. E. (1964). Ingratiation: A Social Psychological Analysis. Appleton-Century-Crofts
    The founding analysis of ingratiation as a strategic class of behaviours — other-enhancement (flattery), opinion conformity and self-presentation — used to increase one's attractiveness to a target, with the target's suspicion rising when the flatterer has something to gain.
  2. Gordon, R. A. (1996). Impact of ingratiation on judgments and evaluations: A meta-analytic investigation. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 71(1), 54–70
    The entry's claim that flattery gains favour: across 69 studies ingratiation reliably improved the target's liking and evaluations of the ingratiator, more so when the ingratiator's ulterior motive was not transparent.
Last reviewed
Suggest a correction

Detect Flattery/Ingratiation in any text

Paste any message, email, or article into our free Manipulation Detector to see if Flattery/Ingratiation or other techniques are being used on you.

Try the Detector FreeCreate Free Account

Related Articles

The Psychology Behind Why You Said Yes: Understanding Persuasion in Everyday Life

From the coffee shop to the boardroom, persuasion techniques shape our decisions more than we realize. Learn the science behind everyday influence.

6 min read

Building Ethical Influence: The Case for Transparent Persuasion

Ethical persuasion isn't an oxymoron. Done right, transparent influence builds trust, strengthens relationships, and achieves better long-term outcomes.

6 min read

What is Social Proof? The Psychology Behind Following the Crowd

Social proof is one of the most powerful persuasion principles. Learn how it works, why we follow the crowd, and how marketers use it to influence your decisions.

8 min read